I caught myself racially profiling today. I was waiting at the lights when a man in a car seemed to check me out. My inner old lady felt a little bit of “I’ve still got it” joy. For a split second. That was the split second before my brain registered that the man looked vaguely Arabic. That split second registration caused me to decide he … Continue reading What the Fuck People of the World?
It’s been a while. Let’s just say I’ve been saving them up. 1. Vegetable Snob. This dawned on me yesterday. Mainly because for once my trolley wasn’t full of chocolate. Jamie and I have decided to go Hard Core on the juicing. This allowed me to feel extremely the fuck better than everyone as I lobbed giant leafy bunches of silverbeet and beetroot into my trolley. 2. … Continue reading 5 -actually make that 4- More Reasons I’m a Wanker
1. Sniff constantly in meetings – without any obvious signs of cold and flu. 2. Listen to Dark Side of the Moon on your iPod – the experimental sounds sneak up and make you jump and squeal if you’re concentrating too much. An especially bad idea if you’re doing this in conjunction with number 1. 3. Use emoticons as a shield – You cant disguise … Continue reading 3 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Do Át Work.
For me, the main problem is that I’m not. And most times that’s not a problem. But other times it is. Like today. No particular reason, just didn’t feel particularly shielded from the coldness of the cool by my cloak of smiles and eccentricity today. For instance – on a couple of occasions I walked around a corner and people just kind of bumped into me and laughed. My … Continue reading The problem with coolness.
Sometimes I’m a philanthrope. Sometimes I’m a misanthrope. And other times? Well, I’m just a bumbling awkward dick. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. Today is all about diligently cultivating relationships so Hendrix can have friends. Today is not the simple world I grew up in. Nor do Hendrix, Jamie and I inhabit the small town I grew up in. You … Continue reading The Challenges of Mummery #38
I always knew I’d make someone a fucking terrible housewife one day. It’s nice to live up to expectations. I abhor housework. With my entire being. And I despise myself for feeling good about myself when I do it. If Housework was a subject at school, I’d probably get a C- (passing by the skin of my teeth, like many other things I do). So … Continue reading Fulfilling Expectations
1. Beat It – Michael Jackson. 1983. Age: 8. The first time I saw that video, was also the first time I felt that stirring of what I would later realise was sexual desire. At the time I just thought he had a really cool leather jacket. 2. Poi E – Patea Maori Club. 1984. Age: 9. Choice. Do yourself a favour and check out … Continue reading Three things that happened in the 80’s.